A race to remember

I wanted to run a half marathon that wasn't all down hill and closer to home. Mike and I signed up for this half marathon in January, before Mike hurt his knee. We were going to be running it with my SIL and BIL. They both had to drop out too because of their kids activities. That just left me to run the race. The course was decent, the race was very well organized. 

Me, well I thought I had trained well. I didn't though. 

This was my first race since my surgery. I didn't know how I would do. I wasn't excepting a super time but I was excepting that I would a little better. Three hours and three minutes later I finished. I was so mad. In October, I ran the Halloween Half in 2:30 hours. I wanted that time or better. I think the cold through me off. Daylight savings pushed the sun up later so I couldn't run in the mornings. The worst part. I forgot my watch. My running watch. To tell me my pace, how far I have gone and how much more I need to go. When I got to the starting line and realized this fun fact, I almost turned around and went home. But I thought no. I will do my best and pretend it's just a run around the neighborhood nothing serious. Those thoughts helped for a little bit but by mile 9 I wanted to quit. I had a blister at the bottom of my foot. I was even madder since I had just bought new shoes. When Justin Biebers song came on the ipod, Never Say Never I wanted to puke and cry all at once. (My stomach wasn't feeling well either.) The song pulled me through. My last mile I just kept thinking never say never, I will fight til forever,  I could do this. Even though thoughts of me being a fat cow were dragging me down. I want to be called a runner. I want to look like I could run 13.1 miles without breaking a sweat. I didn't feel like I was even good enough to be in this race. I sprinted to the end. There weren't very many people left things were being torn down. This was one of the worst races I felt for me. I know there is room for improvement, always. 

I hope to start that improvement tomorrow. 

Next race, 40miles on my bike and then Ragnar. In all of this self pity, I'm not going to give up my goal of looking fit and being someday called a runner. I even put my name into the lottery for the St. George Marathon. That is in 6 months.